π In need some some forward motion
Doubling down on this post-blogging idea.
What do you do when you feel stuck?
For me, this comes in cycles and seems to be exacerbated by owning my own business and being in charge of my future. Often when I'm not doing the work I want to be doing β and that feels like almost all the time these days β I start looking elsewhere. As an Enneagram Type 8, I recognize the tendency in myself to give up if there's no reciprocity in a relationship, whether that be interpersonal or business-to-industry or even me-to-hobbies. If I'm giving my all and nothing comes back to me, why should I even be there?
This year has brought a lot of those feelings to bear as work has been slow or frustrating. Starting an agency may not have been the best way to discover immediate gratification and recognition of my skills. Too many clients still think that they know my job better than I do. I very much dislike executing on ideas that I know are a bad fit or flat-out wrong, and I find myself getting to the point where I need to disengage. I'm trying to wrap up a project that has been going on for over a year and at this point am in "whatever you want" mode because I don't see the end in sight otherwise. That's a lousy mode in which to operate.
Even the industry I've been a part of for the past 12 years has me looking for exit strategies. I don't think higher ed is going anywhere yet, but I do see the writing on the wall. In the Professional Services category of this industry, an overarching agency hegemony has led to what looks like a severe case of higher ed groupthink. In other sectors, this sort of thing is often reversed pretty easily, but higher ed is small. Leadership tends to not have a lot of experience outside of academia. Vertical movement is restricted, and institutions recognize, falsely, creativity and new ideas as significant risks. The few institutions that dare to try new things β or hire brilliant people and give them the freedom to experiment β reap big rewards.
So what do you do?
If I had cash in the bank, I would probably start a bakery or a brewery or a restaurant. I am so over the empty business talk around me and on social media. #RealTalk is all but dead on Twitter for fear of offending someone. Facebook has been weaponized against its users. Instagram is awash in like-for-like and follow-for-follow schemes. Maybe that's why there's been a resurgence in personal blogging. Or newsletters like this one.
I am way more interested in having personal conversations with friends old and new about life than I am in forging phony friendships with businesses and business people because those are things that matter.
This year, at nearly 35 years of age, I feel like I have one good try left in me in higher ed. And I'm going for it, with the help of some brilliant colleagues. If it doesn't work, for my sanity I may need to reassess what I'm doing with my professional life.
Forward motion
I feel better after that. Thanks, as always, for reading an letting me vent a bit. If it's not obvious, I value forward motion. I don't like feeling stuck in anything. Meaning and intensity are what motivate and engage me. And I very much appreciate you hanging with me here.
Joel